You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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