"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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