is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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