we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
