Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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