How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
