what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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