defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
