I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
