God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
