I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
