I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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