i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She bit a glass in half.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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