How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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