sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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