My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
