Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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