Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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