I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
