That's intense
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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