What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
