i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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