I puked a lego.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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