pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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