ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
