try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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