I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
