is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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