The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
