I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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