first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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