omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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