He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
