mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
