i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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