fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
