He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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