The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
