Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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