And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
