Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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