she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
