I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
