I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
