Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
