I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
