do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
