You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
