i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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