Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
