Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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