Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
