On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
