Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
