I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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