Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
